I can’t be your mother, you are mine
water too cold, biscuit too sweet tea won’t work I can’t drink or eat my stomach shrinks but grows with pain You let me down and I want You to feel the same- way as I did when You drugged me, then hugged me, every night before bed You wanted to love me but punished […]
Are you sure you need dessert?
Mommy was happy when I was good. I was good when I was quiet. I was good when I did what I was told. Then I got older And Mommy wanted me to be pretty too. She said— “If you let me pluck your eyebrows I’ll take you to Marble Slab” That’s the fancy place […]
Law of Energy Transfer
Searching for love is like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. The trick is– You can’t close the lid for anything less. Not fireflies. Not stars. Those things can burnout. When you catch lightning– When you feel its energy– You’ll know it will stay lit forever. *Inertia can add to the thrill of the […]
Open up, pour the gas, strike the match
Remember the big blue pills you would set on my tongue? Make me open up so you could inspect that everything was gone. So you could know you did everything you could It’s me that’s wrong It’s me that’s broken It’s me you can no longer control. But you did everything you could It’s not […]
Grief as mass
I cried, I exhaled air moved slow it had viscous I weighed less it floated away My dad sat next to me today
Murder in Stockholm
I dreamt his wickedness dead- no one knew until I solved the mystery of where when how and then the blank bodies faces I can’t remember if they had one at all I ask them- Did he die? they all say yes as if they knew, as if I told them December 2nd was the […]
Let me get you some water
Take it easy on yourself Isn’t that what I’m here for, doc- Can you show me what I don’t know? what it means to not find fault in perfection like my mother-about my body the way I chew I’m grown now and I keep my distance throwing medals backwards They don’t belong to me I […]
Mislabeled Clown Makeup
Boxed up my trauma, needed to contain it Placed it in storage in the back of my head My access is blocked but it works as a liquid- dull suffer leaking like a virus Too small to see, just not to feel the cloud consuming my chest But it had to come from somewhere, didn’t […]
You said you were worried & I held onto it like a treasure
I was not invisible You could see me in the wading crowd not another faceless mask ,floating into a train, but it was my face You saw it burnt, bent The way it had frozen ,stuck in place, You also saw my tethers bounded, chained No one else saw what I carried ,down the same […]
Windshield
caved in, like glass cracks still hold, if tension does not let go- the pain; be the shield, even though I’m made of glass? stay safe, stay numb stay tethered and tense don’t break- you’ll shatter build a new? salvage shards distort the view ahead, if we’re clear you can see I didn’t break from […]
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Andi Van den Berge 